My mom told me my middle name was going to be ‘Stanley’ but then she realized that my initials would be ‘ASS’ so she changed my middle name to something generic and I was saved from ridicule but im pissed now bc there is a girl in my dorm who has the initials ‘ASS’. we could have been ASS buddies
I CANT BREATHE
WUKH WUKH WUKH LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG ???!
I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.
i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”
Olivia Benson, the most influential woman of my early adulthood, telling you what’s up.
idk i tried to scroll past this but it’s too perfect
if you don’t love benson you’re wrong
oh sorry i was thinking about myself did you want something
This is Chester. When I was in Afghanistan I got a care package from one of those “Adopt a Soldier” programs that lets families send care packages to service men and women who are deployed overseas. Anyway, I got this care package, and it came with the usual stuff: Baby wipes, crackers, peanut butter, the Dad threw in a pack of cigarettes, and there was some jerky. But there was also a little beanie baby gold fish and a hand written note from a 7 year old girl that said
“Dear Soldier, (I wasn’t even mad)
I hope you are doing well. I’m sorry you have to miss thanksgiving with your family. This is my friend Chester. He keeps me safe from monsters, but I think you need him more than I do. I hope he keeps you safe from the monsters you’re fighting. Take good care of him for me”.
You bet your ass that little fish was in my pocket every time I went on patrol.
I am Juliet. You will learn to fear me. I love batman and equality. I think that everyone is beautiful and should believe in themselves. I believe she chose the tiger over the lady.